It’s been years since I’ve had anything rock my world view like Dan Gilbert’s talk on happiness. The research makes it quite clear that we have a “psychological immune system” to keep us feeling happy in the face of adversity. Dan refers to this as “synthetic happiness”. The amazing thing is that this synthetic happiness is every bit as real as the happiness we’re used to.
In the past, when I saw studies saying that paraplegics are just as happy as lottery winners, I’d kinda brush them aside. “That can’t be right.” Or, “Silly people, fooling themselves like that.” The unsettling thing is, they aren’t fooling themselves. They really are, truly, genuinely happy.
Apparently it’s a human trait that while we can predict our feelings in the future, we vastly overpredict the differences between outcomes. And we almost completely disregard synthetic happiness, to the point where people make decisions that will leave them less happy in the future.
Craig and I watched the video together over dinner and were floored. Within the span of 20 minutes, the way I look at the world was transformed. The ramifications touch every part of our lives.
- Of course people in arranged marriages are happy. With no escape route, synthetic happiness goes through the roof.
- If you’ve been divorced once, you’ll see marriage as less permanent, leading to less synthetic happiness and hence less satisfaction in your next marriage. Probably the same thing if your parents divorced.
- Synthetic happiness explains why it’s easier to be the person who’s been broken up with, rather than the breaker-upper. If you’re dumped, you have to move on, so you do. No other choice and your synthetic happiness kicks in.
- This could explain why I’m so happy about leaving grad school, buying a crappy car, and living in my current apartment.
- If I stopped buying from REI with their liberal return policy, perhaps I would be happier with my purchases.
- It certainly explains why I’m not that happy with the pen I bought from REI last week.
- In fact, if you’re running your own business, a liberal return policy makes more people buy, but a “no returns” policy will cause them to be happier with their purchases.
- Oh, and procrastinating until you only have one choice left starts to make a lot more sense.
In short, small decisions don’t matter. As long as the outcomes aren’t too extreme, your synthetic happiness will kick in to keep you happy. So don’t worry about small decisions. Oh, and since we vastly overestimate differences in outcomes, almost everything you think is a big decision is actually a small decision.
How big does a decision have to become for it to actually matter? Well, apparently the difference between being a lottery winner and being a paraplegic is not that big, so it appears the decision would have to be pretty large.
My take: Buy insurance to hold off any catastrophic events, fill up your IRA for retirement, and then enjoy the moment.
Dan Gilbert has a whole book on this, Stumbling on Happiness. I’m placing my order right now…
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Thanks man. This came at the right time when I needed a pick-me-up like this. In summary it says to me, simply your life and you’ll be happier. Awesome.
Interesting book I read at about the same time that I also recommend:
The Progress Paradox by Gregg Easterbrook
Hey Niels,
Very interesting post! I haven’t read Gilbert’s book, but his talk certainly peaked my interest.
I’d say that what Gilbert describes as “synthetic happiness”- the innate happiness that your “pscyhological immune system” cultivates by appreciating what you have- is actually BETTER than the “natural happiness” that you get when circumstances happen to coincide with what you thought you wanted. Since our circumstances are constantly changing and not always under our control, I’d say you’re a lot better off learning to synthesize happiness than hoping to get it from the outside world!
However, there are obviously an awful lot of people for whom this innate “pscyhological immune system” isn’t functioning so well, and who are suffering from depression and despair as a result. I wonder if Gilbert discusses this in his book?
As a side note, I happen to be reading the book “Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill” by Matthieu Ricard, who is the friend and Buddhist monk that Gilbert mentions in his talk. It’s a great read if you’re interested in a different take on this topic.
Hope you’re doing well… we miss you in San Fran! Thanks for the interesting blog posts :)
Better than Gilbert’s book is Jonathan Haidt’s “Happiness Hypothesis.”
In the past, when I saw studies saying that paraplegics are just as happy as lottery winners, I’d kinda brush them aside. “That can’t be right.†Or, “Silly people, fooling themselves like that.†The unsettling thing is, they aren’t fooling themselves. They really are, truly, genuinely happy.
You need to get out more. I’ve been a para since 1971, and we are people, just like you. Some of us are happy, some of us aren’t. Some days we’re happy, and some days we’re not. And why don’t you think a para can’t be happy? I have friends in chairs who sail, scuba dive, play tennis, go camping, get married, have babies, and the list goes on and on. Do you get my point? Paraplegics are people too. Your remark was ignorant and stereotyped.