Anyone who thinks it’s easy to find a copy of People Magazine at 3 am has never actually tried to do it.
I was in my pajamas checking my email one last time before bed when I noticed a note congratulating Nate on his recent appearance in People magazine. Beauty and the Geek in People?! This I had to see. It was 3 am, but I figured I could afford a five-minute trip to 7-11.
Here is an artist’s rendition of the moment. There I am, excited about my magazine, on my way to 7-11.
I got to 7-11, browsed the magazine rack. Nothing. The checkstand. Nothing again. Magazine rack again, then the checkstand. No People magazine? What gives?
OK, fine, 7-11 is out. Back on the road. I head to the Walgreens a couple miles away. But they’re out too. I swing by the Safeway across the street and they’re closed. But the CVS next door is open!
And out of People magazine.
Back on the road.
Giant Food is closed. But they do have a stairway at the end of the parking lot that looks just like an exit until you get really close. AAAAGGH!
I arrive at 7-11 number 2 around 3:15 am to find a dance party in progress. Two cute/drunk/high girls have convinced the store clerks to turn up their portable radio and are dropping it like its hot all over the store. I peer around the gyrations at the magazine stand and discover that I have found yet one more store with no copies of People magazine.
Luckily, there’s another Safeway down the street. Unluckily, it’s closed. Luckily, there’s a third 7-11 across the street from the Safeway. Of course, they don’t have a single copy of People either.
There’s 24-hour stores on every corner of this intersection. I head to the CVS on the third corner. They’ve got Cosmo, Vogue, Elle, O, but no People. I’m about ready to give up.
Fuck that! I am Niels, destroyer of worlds! And I want my People magazine! There is a Walgreens across the street and I go there.
And find a copy!
I eagerly opened the issue of People (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write) and started flipping through it. Nothing about Beauty and the Geek, though. What gives? I made a second pass. There was one advertisement for the season premiere of Beauty and the Geek Three, but definitely no article about us.
It was then that it all fell into place. There was no article. The person who wrote the note confused Nate with the geek model in the ad. Yet another 3 am adventure chalked up to a miunderstanding. Still, I actually kinda enjoyed driving all over the place ridiculously late. It felt almost like being back in college all over again.
